States of Mind
SO THERE I WAS
. . . is my memory of how I found God in the dysfunction of growing up Catholic with six siblings. I have always found it interesting that even though I went to the Catholic Church for my entire childhood and well into my Twenties I always maintained that the God of my understanding was not the God spoken of during Sunday Services or Sunday School. I had a personal relationship with God that did not require me to confess my sins to a church authority such as a Priest nor did I need to seek out the counsel of others to know what and where God and I were headed. I knew without anyone needing to tell me that God was loving and good and He did not punish or cause harm to anyone, EVER. But I did want to know how to express this love without claiming I was hearing voices. That would have put me into the lunacy barn before I was out of the playpen. I have been hearing the voice of God since I can remember. And that’s a very long time.
My childhood account is from the humorous side of the dysfunction when a normal childhood is anything but normal. My dad was a police officer, which lead this part of my life to some very interesting situations including getting my fingerprints taken when I was eleven, just in case they were ever needed. Some of my stories were not so funny like getting my dad to the hospital when I couldn’t even drive, but certainly life altering. The life lessons were many, funny and sometimes hard to believe, but for me I just can’t make this stuff up. They are very real to me.
From an early age I wanted to leave my family of origin. No particular event happened to cause this desire but it was deeply seated within me. While reading the book you might think that the crazy making chaos and dysfunction I was living in would be the reason but it wasn’t the only factor. I have always felt I did not belong that somehow I was an outsider within my own family. Many decisions I made from adolescent to full adulthood were particularly done with the effort to leave it all behind. But I also understood there was a reason I picked this family which was and still is, in order to further my spiritual growth.
I hope you find SO THERE I WAS . . . brings back a few humorous memories for yourself and brings you laughter and a better understanding of the God of my choosing. I love my life and its rich history my childhood and beyond has brought me.